‘Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone’ W.H. Auden
Time is a funny thing. I’ve taken that quote slightly out of context of the original poem, but the line still expresses something I am feeling right now. I often want to pause; to not move on but to stay exactly where I am, in the moment.
When I was younger I thought of the world, my life, like a roundabout. And I often wanted to get off. Because of the demands of my life, and because I wanted to be released from them. I felt out of control. And pausing would have been about escape.
And now I kind of have the same feeling, but I am in control now, (or at least I tell myself that). All the mindfulness that I have been practicing has led me to this point where I can say to myself here and now; this is too much. I need to rest and take a break.
And at last I feel that I am my own person and I can make my own choices, rather than be at the beck and call of others. That I have the freedom to say that.
Now pausing means simply accepting what is. It means making decisions based on what I know about myself and being honest about what I, as one person, can do and want to do.
Pause to recharge
And now in this moment, I know that the right thing to do is to pause for the summer. Not walk away and leave it (my blog, my writing) all forever. Not to never touch it for a moment or never let my mind wander over matters close to my heart. Not to never let my fingers touch a keyboard or pick up a pen.
But to pause to breathe.
When we don’t breathe we die. I need to breathe life back into my writing and into my ideas. I don’t want my writing to die. I don’t want my creativity to die. I want to recharge it and let it grow, but first it needs space.
Last summer when I first started writing this blog, I found the holidays a difficult time to write. It lead me to start posting regularly rather than as and when. Without that discipline I would have found it very hard to keep going this year.
But now I feel that need to let that go a little. To go back to feeling free to write as I am feeling in the moment, rather like now really.
Pause to love
And at the same time, I want to give my time to my children. It is the start of the school holidays; six weeks of freedom from being in places at certain times and doing certain things. I want to pause for them.
So that we can take time to be with each other, inspire each other, love each other.
The time I have with them is so precious. They will all too soon be grown-up. Pressing pause means choosing not to compromise my time with them for other things.
And in doing that I will also be loving myself. Because while I am superwoman most of the time, it is a mask that I simply do not have the capacity to wear 365 days a year. I need to pause to focus on the thing that matters most to me; the happiness of my children and myself.
I know that taking the pressure off will actually allow me some freedom to write, that these weeks won’t be creatively barren. I am not going to disappear of the radar.
This is more about taking things slower and as they come, rather than to schedule. To be honest I’m not entirely sure what this pause ‘looks’ like, but I can imagine fewer posts and less linking/promotion work, and more creativity projects.
And I know that at the end of the summer I will be raring to go again. That taking a break will give me the boost I need to focus and carry on.
Make sure you take time to pause too; be aware of what you need and the benefits it brings.
Over and out.