What a month. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster month, at times feeling incredibly stressful or just like I am floundering, and at others full of uplifting moments and with lots of inspiration for new challenges I am pursuing.
I had some clear goals for my life going forwards, not just 2016 but forever. I was excited to get started on them but somehow the reality of getting back into the routine of life after the Christmas period meant that it went a bit haywire and I spent the first half of the month feeling distinctly lost.
I also finally finished my counselling process that lasted 4 and a half years. It was what I wanted and I no longer felt that I needed that support, however it was also a bittersweet moment of ending as I effectively lost a positive relationship from my life.
Adding into that mix was the organisation of an event with a group I am part of and working with other people being difficult to keep everyone happy. It led me to feeling more than a little down about the whole thing and wondering why I put myself in that position.
In the end we are all human, we are all capable of pulling ourselves down or indeed up. I gave myself some leeway, some grace to just keep going. I reminded myself that this time would pass, that its challenges would be overcome, or at least endured, and I would still be here.
And so as the time drifted to the end of the month, and there are some lovely positive things that have happened. I spent some great moments with my children; baking, gardening, experimenting, talking, and just watching them. My husband and I managed a date night.
I found that I was renewed in the purpose of achieving my goals but making sure that I was being realistic. I realised that I have written posts that I am really proud of and I’ve done some of that creative writing that I wanted to do (if not as much as I had hoped).
I remembered my reasons for being involved in the group, and I hope that the group find a balance that works soon. I found other sources of inspiration and support, as well as being able to offer it myself when I came across others in need.
I am grateful that these challenges pass, they are just moments.
I am grateful that I have found the strength in myself to carry me through.
I am grateful for realising all this and accepting it, not trying to fight too much and drowning myself in the process.
I am grateful for seeing the positives that are always there among the negatives.