The world is my oyster

oyster

I do rather find clichés…, well, clichéd, but I have to admit the world is my oyster.

This week is proving a little tough, for various reasons. Interestingly when this little saying popped up in my head, I wondered if I fully understood the idiom, and if it could really be applied to me. But apparently it really does mean any opportunity can be mine, and is there for the taking, I just have to grab it.

So what on earth am I wittering on about?

I find it so easy to listen to the negative voice in my head, feel sorry for myself and get sucked into a downward spiral. I berate myself for my failings, I compare myself to others and it appears that they are more successful and capable than me. My self-confidence and the value I place on myself is so low it beats Lidl prices.

Blogging is pulling at my strings. I have only ever set out to write for myself and not for any particular audience. I never expected success. In fact I rather see the two as mutually exclusive. However I have exposed myself; in particular to social media and other bloggers. This has led me to a bit of a downfall; measuring myself through comparison and statistics.

Ok, now maybe the playing field is not level, but I am stronger and more in tune with myself than ever before. I have resolved to be kind to myself. There is a little positive voice in my head that is crying to be heard, that says I can, that I just need to believe. I am an intelligent woman, I have many skills and I can achieve anything that I want.

What opportunities are available to me?

This blog is like the birth of the beginning of the rest of my life. My approach to it so far has been focused on what is important for my children, but somehow I know that I am missing the point. After all, you can’t look after/guide others if you don’t look after/guide yourself. I need a clearer idea of the goals that I would like to achieve, with a bit more focus on me.

The only problem is that I’m not sure I really know who I am. You read my about page, and that evasiveness is down to that. You ask me what I like to do and I will give you a vague answer, and the truth is probably anything through which I receive validation. It makes it really hard to assess what are the actual opportunities out there, and whether they fit with what I want from life.

What I have discovered so far is that I love the process of writing, it has reignited the passion I had for this as a child. I am finding that I am fascinated by psychology of relationships and parenting and want to further my own understanding of this to help not only me and mine but also others – although I can’t imagine ever calling myself an expert of anything.

I am enjoying a certain creativity, this is something that I had feared was lost in me, or maybe never even existed. To find a story out of what I am feeling, to want to spend more time on art and crafts, which I’d always believed was not my strong point. And lastly I love that where I thought I was a static entity, that I have capacity to evolve into something more, greater than the sum of my parts.

capacity

At the moment I have so many ideas of things that I could do in the many alternate realities of my life. I am looking at a signpost that points in many directions, and feeling like there is too many possibilities. I feel that the answer is not to be overwhelmed by this but to let everything wash over me and let things run their course.

How do I make the most of the opportunities in my life and on my blog?

I have to be realistic about what I can achieve, my capacities are limited, and in terms of my blog I have not got a mainstream niche. I am determined to put in every reasonable effort to it all. I feel that part of me needs to be challenged but part of me needs to accept that I have imperfect emotional resources to cope.

I must define what success would mean to me.

I don’t think I have ever really done that. For my life, I need to spend a little more time thinking about this, but undoubtedly some of it is caught up in this blog. One of my ‘flaws’ is that I have a whirlwind mind, that finds it hard to keep track of the multitude of requirements of life, never mind blogging.

In terms of blogging the obvious choice of success is to earn a living from it directly, to receive awards and to accumulate a following. Blogging success requires things that go against my grain. Self-promotion, networking, generally putting yourself out there, posts that have an audience in mind, with an aim to ‘go viral’.

But there could be so many other things that I don’t yet understand. I just need to carry on progressing, baby stepping along, and it will come, it will reveal itself. To simply focus on the purpose that I have of ‘filling up my glass’, and translating that to my family. I will find my voice, my audience and my opportunities.

The world is truly my oyster, there are no limits, only those I place on myself.

If you know anyone else who might enjoy this, please share

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Tim says:

    I think what you’re going through is fairly common – many of us take a while to work out what type of blogger we really want to be. I think the key is to set yourself realistic goals that are the right ones for you. For some bloggers it is page views or earning an income or winning awards, for others it’s just the satisfaction of pressing publish and refining your style.

    1. Thank you for reading Tim and for your encouragement. Definitely at the moment every post is an achievement, and I am proud of them. I have started on setting some goals for blog development, but also I want to take a closer look at personal goals – I think they are rather intertwined at this point in time, and difficult for me to grasp. It’s going to be an interesting journey forward – I normally like to have a map!

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